My silly comments (but of course I added silly comments!) are in italics.
(Why do so many people seem think I'm a Mistress or a Madame?! Heck, they can't even see the icon! Oh, Madam. nm.)
Thank you for writing to Senator Schumer.
(We appreciate the form email. We didn't really notice you took the time to adjust the text in the pre-written request because we get so damned many of them. But thanks!)
It is our office policy to respond to New Yorkers as quickly as possible.
(New Jerseyans, on the other hand, can wait 'til hell freezes over.)
Please be assured that you will receive a letter through the U.S. Postal Service within the next few weeks.
(From us, even! Be certain to rub your hands along the congressional mind-control ink!)
Again, appreciated hearing from you.
(But what if I had sent a note saying "Shumer, you big bimbo?")
Office of Senator Charles E. Schumer
313 Hart Building
Washington DC 20510
Thank you, Chuck!