Work is nearly overwhelming, and there's no end in sight. I cried today. I cried for a few other things, too. I battled my usual reticence re: discussing my personal life here and won for a change, and finally decided to post about it at about 5:30p... and AOL died just as I was about to finish. Then all my applications started crashing, one right after another.
In retrospect, I bet it was funny, from someone else's perspective. I wonder if I were really alone.
I cried a bit more, cursed like a sailor, then said "Screw it" and headed home.
I stopped at the park by my house. I watched the geese and ducks for awhile. They are fearless now. At about ten of six, all the ducks started chattering, and within moments, every fowl in sight simultaneously began preening. It was the oddest thing.
I saw some people gathered by the stage, but didn't want to intrude. I also didn't feel like sharing. So I did the only logical thing.
I kicked off my shoes and swang on the swings.
It was good-- you know that point, when you swing so high that your stomach backflips? So therapeutic. I recommend you try it before ever considering professional help. I grinned despite myself.
A guy showed up with what I'm assuming was his son as I was leaving. The boy was absolutely giddy with his push-me-highers. It made me smile. I saw a lot of single men with children today. If you're single, don't want to be, and like children, hit the park and head for the swings. If nothing pans out romantically, at least you have the tummy backflips to carry you through.
Then I was off to the rose garden. I was worried I might have missed it all-- but it was still in full bloom. I wish I'd had my camera. I wandered barefoot through the lush grass, smelling blossoms along the way. So sweet. I cupped my hand around one particularly luscious bloom to get a better whiff, and got the blend of sweet rose and rusty swingset chain. Indescribable. Try it sometime if you can.
I stood by Col. Charles Brown's waterfall pool for a bit. I don't know who he is/was, but I often appreciate the memorial that someone left in his name. I wondered, as I always do, if anyone ever called him "Charlie."
I watched wide-eyed adults play with radio-controlled sailboats, and children bike around with tough-guy smiles, pretending they were on motorcycles. The dichotomy was not lost on me. Perhaps we all want a taste of forbidden fruit, of that which is not within our reach, but was tasted, or is promised to be tasted someday. So sweet is the imagined taste of this fruit... sweeter somehow than the juice that is dripping from our chins, unnoticed.
I smiled at a lot of people today. Most smiled back.
I saw xso on the way back in. He was sweet and friendly. I do wish he'd stop asking me to sleep with him. It only made me sad again. I'd explain that last bit, but my life is almost too funny. No, I'm not going to explain that either. Just trust me on that one. It really is quite humourous and yet, somewhat sad.
I'm still a bit depressed, but it's almost comforting now. A blanket on a cold rainy afternoon; a wistful smile on a sad funny day.
Things will be better tomorrow.
Pink moon is on its way.