*smooch* (ldy) wrote,

  • Music:

A conclusion not so much drawn as hastily scribbled on a napkin with a crappy pencil

Awesome night; lame ending; the moreso for having seen it coming. I have come to the conclusion that I am too old, too tired, too stressed and too damned bloody freaking fantastic to keep competing with other people's girlfriends, lovers and non-defineds.* Heck-- jobs, too, for that matter, should it come to that.

I deserve nothing less than awesome attention and wantability** from the object of my affection. I'm ready. I'm inviting it, Universe. Bring it on. Keep in mind, though, I'm pretty darned picky. I've got a lot to give, though.

I think it's a positive conclusion to draw. I'm a bit chagrined that I even had to draw it. Much less that it's taken so damned long. Getting crazy over people with other priorities hasn't actually worked well for me at all for nearly ten years now (yes, P had other priorities, though I didn't discover that until I had moved down here). Lessons like this really shouldn't drag on so.

But a conclusion has been drawn. And it's certainly far better than the "wow, what the heck is wrong with me" line of thinking, which had been my previous conclusionary*** stand-by. There is nothing wrong with me other than I get caught up in people and things that aren't nearly as caught up in me; or who aren't willing to prioritize ours over other relationships. That said, I totally acknowledge that it's not their fault, it's mine.

Anywho, life is pretty much awesome. I'm just thinkifying**** is all. Probably unwise at... DAMMIT. Daylight Savings Time! #$&*#&$**&#-- It's not 2:30a, it's 3:30a!!!

Oh, my, how craptastic. I have to wake up in a few hours to work the trade show again. Alone. I really love my new job, but this whole "work late every night and then work all weekend through a trade-show your first week; welcome aboard, salary girl!" stuff is exhausting me-- particularly on a night when I lose a precious hour. And the whole "work on the house every night after work till the storage place closes at 10p, packrat girl!" stuff isn't helping much. It has, however, seemingly made me much less tolerant of people who can't choose what they want, so maybe that's a good thing. And yes, that previous statement applies more to me than to anyone else (definitely a good thing).

Alright. This was more a braindump than anything else. I'll give a proper update sometime soon, I promise. And no, I probably won't share the specific incident or long road that inspired this one.

Until then, I hope that you are following your bliss, and that Life is Wonderful. My life is generally so; more than might appear here. Truly so, I promise.

~Hugs to those who need 'em, those who want 'em, and those who don't run away quickly enough~

* It's a word; I said so.
** Ibid.
*** Same thing.
**** Yeah, yeah. I think you get how my mind is working tonight.
***** Holy cow, I really do have to work again in a few hours, after a week of crazy workingness and not nearly enough sleepification. Do I need to add recursive apostrophes to those?
****** Is this a you-go-girl positive affirmation or an admittance of being high-ego, low-self-esteem? Perhaps it's a bit of both. In either case, I feel compelled to say "you go, girl."

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