*smooch* (ldy) wrote,

Are you there, G-d? It's me, Ldy.

Dear Universe,

Has this all been some grand cosmic joke?

For quite some time you've assured me that Everything Will Turn Out Alright, and for a couple months, it seemed as though everything was happening according to some weird and wonderful Master Plan. But the last month, month and a half has been wrong, just wrong, all over. I appear to have taken a left turn at Albuquerque at some point, and nothing I've said or done has seemed to have gotten me even close to that original path. In fact, I seem to have lost sight of it completely.

"Have Faith, Little Mouse," you whispered; "Have Faith, Little Bird." But now even those quiet whisperings have stopped, replaced by the not-so-distant rumble of dark disquiet.

And I believe I have lost my faith.

I can't even figure out what tremendous lessons I should be taking away from any of this. Maybe there aren't any. Perhaps I've seen patterns where none existed and there is no Plan, no Lesson, no Larger Picture; merely a nihilistic existence sans point or meaning. Maybe the lesson is that there is no Lesson.

I suppose something big could change in the near future, be it a change of circumstance or a shift of perception, and I'll laugh at the wonderful joke you've played. But the faithless are rarely optimistic. For the most part, they seem to be stark realists. And reality has lost it's shine for me.

I don't even have a clever or thought-provoking close to this note, dear Universe. I am sorry.

Feeling rather lost,

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