*smooch* (ldy) wrote,

differentiation, exploring the rate of change

Very cranky, tired of the status quo.

Needing a vacation from all of this *wild indicative hand-waving*

Tired of being a convenience when people think they need or want stuff, and an inconvenience when they don't. When are things convenient for me? Ever?

No. Not really.

Nothing really changes, except insofar as entropy acts upon a given system.

Farking entropy.

Farking people.

The needy get attention, the obnoxious get results, and the useful get used. That's just the way things are.*

I'm old enough to know this. Getting older all the time.**

I'd wanted to go to karaoke, but it's too late to go anywhere tonight; I've got a rough morning ahead of me tomorrow. Tomorrow night I've got playhouse work to do. I'm working Friday night, then have to catch what sleep I can because Saturday's schedule is full with a parental visit in the morning, rehearsal in the afternoon and P's return in the evening.

Back I go to trying to find Crazylady's divorce papers so she can go marry Randomguy. Papers that P is CONVINCED are in the safe even though I've scanned every paper in there. "Well, last time you said you couldn't find something, I found it... I know it can be very frustrating when you don't know what it is you're looking for..."

Seriously? I'm doing your ex-wife a favour on your behalf and you think long-distance condescension is appropriate? Please, not today.

Just... tired. Tired and lonely and fed-up with people and situations and places that don't change, myself included.

Ah. Well, at least I found the papers. They were in an unchangeable box of unchangeable papers by an unchangeable bookcase. If you want to study quantum mechanics in a fixed setting, there's no better place than my office right now ;)

Bah. I guess I'll have a small glass of wine and call it a night.

I realize this sort of outburst is uncharacteristic of me. I'm usually pretty upbeat and silly, not uptight and bitchy. But this is where I find myself right now.

For all my frustration, things DO change; if not by force of will, then by entropy. Things tend to stay in their current motion or fall apart unless acted upon by another force. In addition to all the unchangeableness in my world, I also see a lot of fallingapartedness, too. This, however, is somehow not comforting.

Actually, all this talk suddenly has me curious about how entropy specifically applies to quantum theory (iirc, entropy is usually described as a function of a state, so how interesting might it be to explore how it might apply to a state of many states? I'm thinking pretty frickin' interesting!). So in true "ooh, shiny!" ADD manner, I'm going to quitmybitchin and go study something weird on a random tangent, like I so often do.

And oh yeah, grab that glass of wine.

~Hugs to those who need 'em, those who want 'em and those who don't run away quickly enough (and those, like me, who seem to be having difficulty measuring their position and their momentum with any accuracy)~

* OK, I don't actually believe this to be wholly true, though it certainly does hold a grain or three of truth and may be worth review.
** And yet, I'm still six.
*** "Have faith, little mouse," the Universe coos, "this, too, shall pass." Yeah? Ya think? Sorry, but my inner New Yorker and my inner scientist are both rather skeptical of this whole Universe-pointing-in-a-certain-direction thing, and my inner spiritual chick is about to pass out from exhaustion. Give me a sign, preferably neon, and less of this "trust me" cooing, k? I'm gettin' cranky here!
**** P says "You may be crankypants tonight, but at least you're a size four crankypants. There must be some comfort in that mumble mumble blah blah blah." So true, so true... except for the last part you said, which was pretty much unintelligible.
***** Boys? Still dumb. Or so seems the consensus. Though some may be merely unintelligible, I suppose.

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