*smooch* (ldy) wrote,
*smooch*
ldy

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Stressed spelled backward is DESSERTS (and Novocaine is ENIAC OVON, but no-one cares)

Eep. Not one of my better days. It started this morning on the way to work... as I was heading out of the driveway, I noticed that the garbagemen sanitation engineers had already finished our street, so I thought I'd rescue my can from the side of the road, and set it to the relative safety of the side of the house. Which was a great idea, really... until I twisted my ankle. It didn't hurt too badly, so I spent about ten minutes nursing it, then headed to work. No problem, thought I, my assistant shows up a half hour after I do, and my boss is away, and I'm only 15 minutes late...

Wouldn'tchaknowit, my assistant was unusually early and already in the office, and talking to my boss as I walked in the door : P Not a big deal... but I like to set a good example, and that was not one. My assistant was kind enough to sit me down and wrap me ankle in a scarf, however : )

Then it was off to the dentist's. Turns out I was right-- I had lost a filling. Half an hour (and half a gallon of Novocaine™) later, I was back in the office. The Novocaine didn't wear off for two hours, so my phone calling was severely impaired. I ended up working about two hours late (which isn't too bad for a Friday, really).

Now I'm limping, my gums are sore, and I'm simply exhausted.

Thinking I should go on a diet. Thinking this Stressdiet™ might be just the thing... (yes, this is OLD... but it's nummy, so meh)

    BREAKFAST
  • 1 Soft Boiled Egg

  • 1 Slice Whole Wheat Toast - Dry

  • 8 oz Skim Milk


  • LUNCH
  • 4 oz Lean Broiled Chicken Breast

  • 1 cup Steamed Brocolli

  • 1 cup Black Coffee or Tea

  • 5 Chocolate Chips


  • MIDAFTERNOON SNACK
  • Remainder of the Bag of Chocolate Chips

  • 1 Plate of Brownies

  • 1 Pint Häagen-Dazs Ice Cream eaten directly from package


  • DINNER
  • 1 Turkey Dinner

  • Large Supreme Pizza

  • 2 Bottles of Wine (Red or White)
    ...or 2 Pitchers of Imported Beer
    ...or 6 Pitchers of Domestic Beer

  • 1 Refrigerated Package of Chocolate Chip Cookie Mix eaten directly from package


  • MIDNIGHT SNACK
  • Entire Frozen Cheesecake eaten directly from package


    RULES FOR THIS DIET
  1. If you eat something and no-one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

  2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda. (Personal note: diet soda is very, very bad for you. Please stay away.)

  3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.

  4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

  5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, you look thinner.

  6. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of baking causes calorie leakage.

  7. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Ex.: Peanut Butter on a knife making a sandwich; ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.

  8. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Ex: Spinach & Pistachio ice cream, Mushrooms & White Chocolate.
    NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

  9. Cinema-related foods have a zero calorie count as they are part of the entertainment package and not counted as food intake (this includes: popcorn, mints, goobers, raisinettes and soda)

  10. Anything eaten while standing has no calories due to gravity and the density of calorie mass.

  11. Food consumed from someone else's plate has no fat as it rightfully belongs to the other person and the fat will cling to his/her plate.


Welcomes will have to wait 'til next time. I'm limping, my gums are sore, I'm exhausted, and now hungry (for some odd reason...)

Hugs to those who need 'em, those who want 'em, and anyone smart nice enough to offer me a cookie right now ; )
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