*smooch* (ldy) wrote,

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The chair in my office is green.

I baffled yet another nurse practitioner this morning. It's becoming quite a sport for me.

You see, when I go to the doctor, I almost never get diagnosed with something simple, like allergies, flu, or chickenpox. Oh, no; not me. I get bizarre symptoms that nobody can make heads or tails of.

For instance-- a few years back, I had some weird blood disease. The hematologist was fairly certain I had leukemia, lymphoma, or lupus. Such fun! I underwent a slew of bloodtests, and thought I might die. However, it wasn't leukemia, lymphoma, or lupus. So, at least we figured out what it wasn't.

Whatever it was, it defied diagnosis and eventually cleared up on its own.

Last summer, I got a strange rash on me bum. (Apologies for the TMI.) My regular GP was pretty certain it was herpes. It sure looked like herpes. Turns out, not only did I test negative for HSVII, I'm one of the few people in the country who hasn't got a case of HSVI. So I didn't have a nasty case of herpes simplex one or two.

Whatever it was, it defied diagnosis and eventually cleared up on its own.

It's almost entertaining, in a sick and twisted way. Thank heavens these... "illnesses," whatever they are, disappear eventually.

Anywho, I've had a rash on my left hand for a few months now. It's very localized-- maybe half an inch in diameter. I've kept it covered with a band-aid for three weeks now. I tell people it's from a tragic shaving accident.

Since I'm no stranger to rashes, hives, eczema, etc. (I often break out in hives or eczema when I'm under a lot of stress), I wasn't particularly fazed; I just treated it. However, the prescription-strength topical steroid I used had no effect whatsoever. It looked a little like it could be ringworm, so I tried using an anti-fungal. That also had little effect (though it did stop it from itching).

The NP said that's exactly what she would have done. She seemed very surprised and even a little disappointed that neither had worked. She had NO idea what it could be. In desperation, she gave me a script for a steroid/anti-fungal combination, and a referral to a dermatologist.

Someone in her office is making the appointment with the dermatologist. If it's more than a week away, I'll try the prescription. It seems unlikely that it would work, but who knows. Stranger things have happened :)

My guess is that I'll see the dermatologist and she'll take a biopsy. It will come back negative for cancer. She'll furrow her brow, consult her vast array of various creams and goos, and give me samples of anti-parasitics, anti-fungals and a variety of other anti-things. I'll try them all, and the strange rash on my hand will laugh a little rashy laugh as, one by one, the creams and goos do nothing.

And whatever it is, little mister rashyrash will defy diagnosis and eventually clear up on its own. ;)

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