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The chair in my office is green. - Ldy, the lemony, ligerish ducttaparian's Magic Treehouse of Lost Thoughts
A classy broad's life... with footnotes.
ldy
ldy
The chair in my office is green.
I baffled yet another nurse practitioner this morning. It's becoming quite a sport for me.

You see, when I go to the doctor, I almost never get diagnosed with something simple, like allergies, flu, or chickenpox. Oh, no; not me. I get bizarre symptoms that nobody can make heads or tails of.

For instance-- a few years back, I had some weird blood disease. The hematologist was fairly certain I had leukemia, lymphoma, or lupus. Such fun! I underwent a slew of bloodtests, and thought I might die. However, it wasn't leukemia, lymphoma, or lupus. So, at least we figured out what it wasn't.

Whatever it was, it defied diagnosis and eventually cleared up on its own.

Last summer, I got a strange rash on me bum. (Apologies for the TMI.) My regular GP was pretty certain it was herpes. It sure looked like herpes. Turns out, not only did I test negative for HSVII, I'm one of the few people in the country who hasn't got a case of HSVI. So I didn't have a nasty case of herpes simplex one or two.

Whatever it was, it defied diagnosis and eventually cleared up on its own.

It's almost entertaining, in a sick and twisted way. Thank heavens these... "illnesses," whatever they are, disappear eventually.

Anywho, I've had a rash on my left hand for a few months now. It's very localized-- maybe half an inch in diameter. I've kept it covered with a band-aid for three weeks now. I tell people it's from a tragic shaving accident.

Since I'm no stranger to rashes, hives, eczema, etc. (I often break out in hives or eczema when I'm under a lot of stress), I wasn't particularly fazed; I just treated it. However, the prescription-strength topical steroid I used had no effect whatsoever. It looked a little like it could be ringworm, so I tried using an anti-fungal. That also had little effect (though it did stop it from itching).

The NP said that's exactly what she would have done. She seemed very surprised and even a little disappointed that neither had worked. She had NO idea what it could be. In desperation, she gave me a script for a steroid/anti-fungal combination, and a referral to a dermatologist.

Someone in her office is making the appointment with the dermatologist. If it's more than a week away, I'll try the prescription. It seems unlikely that it would work, but who knows. Stranger things have happened :)

My guess is that I'll see the dermatologist and she'll take a biopsy. It will come back negative for cancer. She'll furrow her brow, consult her vast array of various creams and goos, and give me samples of anti-parasitics, anti-fungals and a variety of other anti-things. I'll try them all, and the strange rash on my hand will laugh a little rashy laugh as, one by one, the creams and goos do nothing.

And whatever it is, little mister rashyrash will defy diagnosis and eventually clear up on its own. ;)

I'm feeling all kinds of: Q: What does any of this have to do with the colour of the chair in my office?
What I hear: A: Not a damned thing.

8 tall tales or Tell me a story
Comments
mrs_puma From: mrs_puma Date: March 24th, 2004 09:16 am (UTC) (permalink)
Hmm. That makes me wonder if the rashes could be stress related. I get all sorts of odd skin rashes and irritations too. I am allergic to Ivory soap, for pete's sake. Mebbe allergic reactions?
ldy From: ldy Date: March 25th, 2004 09:56 am (UTC) (permalink)
Could be!

They never figured out what my problem was/is. But I seem to break out more when I'm stressed.

Um, that's always, though, so that's neither here nor there! :P
fritzling From: fritzling Date: March 24th, 2004 09:34 am (UTC) (permalink)
well... oddity of humankind are we now? excellent! Glad to know ya!
ldy From: ldy Date: March 25th, 2004 09:56 am (UTC) (permalink)
Glad to know you, too!

I just get odder the more you get to know me :)
duinlas From: duinlas Date: March 24th, 2004 11:38 am (UTC) (permalink)
YOU HAVE TERMINAL LDYITIS!

I LOVE YOU I WILL WRITE ON YOUR TOMBSTONE: SHE WAS A GOOD HEAD! YEAH BABY!

WHAT WOULD U DO WITHOUT FRIENDS LIKE ME? I HAVE OUR CAT! YOUR CAT. NOT OUR CAT.
ldy From: ldy Date: March 25th, 2004 09:56 am (UTC) (permalink)
YEAH BABY! YOU HAVE OUR CAT! DIAL THAT BABY, YEAH!
henman From: henman Date: March 24th, 2004 03:59 pm (UTC) (permalink)
I'm sure this could tell you the answer. :)
ldy From: ldy Date: March 25th, 2004 10:05 am (UTC) (permalink)
Ok, the first time, I decided I'd traveled to New Guinea, been bit by a monkey (which I'd touched), had gone swimming outdoors, and had some confusion and memory problems.

I got Creutzfeldt-Jakob.

I cleared 'em all, and just put something like confusion and memory problems and...

I got Creutzfeldt-Jakob.

Have I ever mentioned how much CJD weirds me out? It weirds me out. AND THE SUBMIT FORM KNEW THIS.

You have Creutzfeldt-Jakob


How you get it: Genetic; variant (Mad Cow) acquired by eating the brain or nervous tissue of an infected animal. Like Kuru, this is a prion disorder.
Incubation period: 1 to 30 years
Early symptoms: Confusion, involuntary muscle jerks, insomnia, impaired judgment, memory, and vision
Symptoms at full disease onset: Loss of muscular coordination, slurred speech, severe mental impairment.
Final outcome of this horrible disease: Systematic loss of brain function over the course of a year within onset of symptoms. Inability to control muscles, blindness, cognitive failure, coma, death.

There is nothing you can do now but wait for death to arrive and hope it comes quickly. Medication can sometimes mask your symptoms, but comfort is a distant memory for you.


get your own internet diagnosis



*DIES!*
*slowly*

;P

Hey! I'm no longer worried about the rash on my hand! :D
8 tall tales or Tell me a story