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The Battery that Wouldn't Die Hard - Ldy, the lemony, ligerish ducttaparian's Magic Treehouse of Lost Thoughts
A classy broad's life... with footnotes.
ldy
ldy
The Battery that Wouldn't Die Hard
I finally gave up on waiting for a response and called the folks who sold me the suspect battery. They assured me that it was the real deal. The nice lady on the other end of the line was "one thousand percent certain." Figuring her certainty could be as questionable as her skills in math, I called LG, the battery's manufacturer.

It seems that the battery is probably the real deal.

I say probably, because there's really no way to tell for certain :/ But it looks right, and the model number isn't exactly wrong (LG keeps changing the model numbers).

Anywho, did I ever mention why I wanted OEM, besides the obvious quality assurance and warranty?

I specifically wanted to buy OEM (at several times the price of aftermarket, mind you), so it could fit in my charger.

Verizon had told me OEM would fit. Just about every website I saw mentioned that OEM extended batteries fit (but aftermarket didn't).

Well, guess what. C'mon, guess.

It didn't fit. (Bet none of you saw that coming.)

I had wrestled with it, strenuously. Tried pushing it this way and that, turning it, forcing it, everything. Meanwhile, I was trying to juggle dishes, laundry, bill-paying, clothes-throwing-out and general cleaning, while listening to my sweetheart, who was calling from california where he was drinking black and tans in the middle of the day on the company's tab while writing out his goals and dreams for the next five years and suggesting I do the same.

Yes, sweetheart, just let me finish juggling this anvil, this AK-47 and this chainsaw and I'll be right with you :)

THE. STUPID. BATTERY. WOULD. NOT. FIT.

GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! HULK ANGRY!

I, well... I had a cow. A big fat ugly cow name Maurice emerged from my uterus, lowing in anger and pain. I bit its head off, Ozzy style, and decided to call Verizon, just for shiggles, before taking steps to nail the battery reseller to the wall with a nailgun full of ill-will.

My rep, Marsha, put me on hold while she discussed the situation with a technical expert. Within a few minutes, she had an answer! Whoever had informed me at Verizon that the OEM extended battery would fit the standard OEM charger was very much mistaken! I needed a travel charger! Would I like to buy one for $29.99?

Marsha, Verizon Customer Service Professional Extraordinaire, you are the next contestant on Nothing You Or Your Colleagues Do Is Right! C'mon down!

Poor Marsha. I'm not a psychotic customer, but When Things Go Wrong, I'm not exactly the person you hope to find in your call queue.

Marsha did an expert job of assuaging me, massaging me, and corsaging me. OK, I just made that up. But she really did do the best she could. There was just very little she could do.

And then I remembered: Verizon never sent me my $50 rebate for my phone.

*blinkblink*

I'd purchased the phone in, what, August? I'd called in late November or early December, and they told me everything seemed to be in order, "just hold tight."

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. I bet you really didn't want to clean up Other People's Messes today.

I really should have been handed off to the rebate department, which likely would have gathered in a giggling huddle next to speakerphone to laugh at me enmasse. Instead, Marsha handled the rebate herself, taking $50 off my next bill. She then offered to use her own discount to take $10 off the charger. She even held on the phone while I looked to see if Zip-Linq had a compatible product (hey, if I have to buy a travel charger regardless, I might as well buy what I want). When all was said and done, I took her up on her offer, bought the $30 charger, and will see a $60 credit on my next bill.

It's not a perfect world, but it could have been a lot worse.

Marsha, Beleaguered and Underappreciated Customer Service Expert, there should be a Budweiser "Real American Heroes" commercial just for you.

But for now, perhaps you'll settle for this entry.

Perhaps I'll write Verizon a note, as well.

After I finish juggling all my cah-rrrap, perhaps I'll even get to play with my new camera :)

I'm feeling all kinds of: tired tired
What I hear: Spyro Gyra - Bob Goes To The Store

5 tall tales or Tell me a story
Comments
cloudbound From: cloudbound Date: March 2nd, 2004 07:29 pm (UTC) (permalink)

A less assertive person might have called it quits after getting the questionable battery and then truly nailing something to the wall.

Congratulations on (having the appearance of) keeping your head!
From: theres_that Date: March 2nd, 2004 08:08 pm (UTC) (permalink)
awww.. congratulations on your new son!

maurice is a beautiful name8)
theraevyn From: theraevyn Date: March 2nd, 2004 08:08 pm (UTC) (permalink)

ok, THAT was funny.

especially the Budweiser commercial suggestion.

Yet another reason I am glad to not own a portable telecommunications device of any kind. =D
bandicoot From: bandicoot Date: March 2nd, 2004 10:22 pm (UTC) (permalink)
How many times I gotta tell ya - ditch the batteries and buy a crank ;)
From: insecuritiesinc Date: March 3rd, 2004 02:27 am (UTC) (permalink)
Thank you, Marsha!!
5 tall tales or Tell me a story