I certainly didn't expect this. Didn't expect him.
How does he read my mind, again and again? Is he real? Have I finally gone off the deep end? Am I really sitting in an institution somewhere dreaming all of this? Have I died?
I honestly wonder. It doesn't make any sense.
How can he be? I want to cast disbelieve, but if this is a dream, I'm tempted to take the blue pill. (Forgive the mixing of geeky metaphors there.)
It all makes sense in some weird way. The fates and the stars are smiling. The universe is laughing.
Weird little things happen... At the wedding, I was sitting there thinking "jeez, I really wish he'd dance with me!" I didn't ask him, because he was busy doing best man stuff, and that was important. But I really did want to dance. He rushes up and says, "oh my God-- why haven't I been dancing with you?!" Seriously. Tuesday, I pick a song with him in mind for karaoke. I think to myself "OK, Universe, if you really like this guy, if this is really IT, he'll hear this, because it would make such a great story." I use a friend's phone to call him, but get his VM. My song doesn't come up for awhile. I figure maybe I was kinda silly to challenge the Universe in the first place. But later he calls back, even though I didn't ask him to or give him the number, and after exchanging pleasantries, I'm instantly called up to sing his song. And I totally expected exactly that to happen, just because this sort of thing has been happening pretty consistently where he's concerned.
My Writers are going absolutely nuts over this.
Meanwhile, I keep having to pick my damned jaw up off of the floor.
I fully intended to go down to the wedding, and let him know about my feelings for the Pirate. And I did. And he loves me anyway. He's just this... unstoppable force.
Everything's happening so fast. My life is upside-down. I'm trying to just be instead of doing all this thinking, but you know me.
What did I do to deserve such a person's love and affection?
How can I ever anticipate his needs as well as he does mine?
Why haven't I run away yet? Great guy! Happiness! Eek! Run awaaaay!
I guess that opportunities come when we're ready for them. I'd no idea I was this ready, though.
The death dream and moment of expanded consciousness re: love all makes sense now, though. And "no one really changes, they just segfault and need to be rebuilt" has a big amusement factor for me.
On the one hand, if something seems to good to be true, it probably is. On the other hand, I'm not going to derail the happy train just because I think I'm deserving of a train wreck. Not not not. If there's one thing I've learned in recent months, it's when opportunity knocks, get off of your ass and run-- don't walk-- towards that door.
Willy Wonka: And Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he'd ever wished for.
Charlie Bucket: What happened?
Willy Wonka: He lived happily ever after.
I'm not writing much, but I am reading. It may be a little while before I'm in any state to write more about this.
I just never saw this coming.