September 29th, 2003



Most people daydream about winning the lottery. I daydreamed in the shower today that I taught young Z about the wonders of compound interest, and the importance of not capitalizing interest on one's student loan(s).

Think I'm a total geek my subconscious is a little freaked out about the possibility of quitting my job, selling my house, and moving in with someone with considerable debt? Uhm, yeah.

I am hungry all the time. Last night I ate ice cream and a king sized kit kat bar. MMMMMM. BRAAAAAAIIIIIINS. FAAAAAAAT.

Only a crazy woman would go clothes shopping when she felt as fat as I did this weekend, and I did indeed go clothes shopping! I bought a really wonderful fitted buttonup shirt, and pants. The cosmopolitan sassy-yet-savvy office geek look is a good one for me, I think. And to think, I may not have an office next year. The thought scares the crap outta me.

I very nearly bought a gorgeous black dress. I want it so bad. But I couldn't bear spending $80 on a not-particularly-well-made dress because I am so cheap frugal exacting in my standards. I may have to go back and get it anyway. It's just too damned... hot. And it gives me massive breastesses; always a bonus.

And P likes to dress up and go out, so I can't use the "oh, but I never wear dresses" excuse. Though I do still have the "I don't think so, not 'til you're dug outta debt what the hell were you thinking give me that credit card right now before I keeel j00" excuse. Hm. We'll see. He's already agreed to give me the financial reins to fix stuff. I've just never had to lead that particular horse, since I'd never strayed off my own financial path. I'm a little scared of that long and winding road, especially since I will no longer have my job and lack the degree(s) necessary to get another in the same industry at the same pay rate.

In fact, the only job I can think of that I'd be qualified to take is, um, his.

I don't think that would be a particularly good job opportunity.

I've talked to my boss about the possibility of my leaving. This whole thing is stressing me out so much. I like having a well-paying job. I like owning my own house. I like not having to worry about finances. I like the security of my little rut.


I guess there's a tradeoff for everything. And if the tradeoff for lifelong love is having to take a break from the daily grind and realign someone else's finances, I think I've gotten myself a good deal.

Besides, I woke up this morning in a panic about all this. P had the good sense to write me an email this morning about how confident he was that everything was going to work out OK.

...before I had contacted him. He just knew. Somehow. It's freaky.

For years, people (mostly ex-boyfriends) have been telling me that I need a psychic boyfriend. Proactive communication is really not my forte.

Whodathunk I'd find one?

Can't pass that up. Nosiree.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

One thing I didn't mention about my trip to Florida that I'd really meant to: the detour.

The Forces That Be seem to enjoy toying with P and me. It's almost as though the look for any opportunity to put obstacles in our path.

My arrival was no exception. Remember what I said about being so excited that I got a nonstop and having some alone time with P? Remember that?

Well, P was excited, too-- even had Southwest remind him of my arrival so he could get his butt out to the airport. He left right on time, got into his car, and.... yeah, you guessed it.

She's dead, Jim!

It's a brand-newish car, too. He had to get a lift to the dealer, then get a (free) rental to come pick me up.

Before I'd boarded, he had told me to have a beer for him on the plane. So I did. Have two. Fosters. One for him, one for me. Then I had a couple Appletinis while I was awaiting his late arrival. :P I'm not a big drinker, and didn't have much to eat, so I had a nice buzz going on by the time he showed up.

I had flown into the Orlando airport... it's one of southwest's hubs, so it's cheaper than Jacksonville. Somewhere, leaving the airport, we took a "wrong turn."

Was that initial wrong turn deliberate? Or was he just making the best of an honest mistake? I may never know for certain. But it doesn't really matter.

We ended up at Downtown Disney. More specifically, Cirque du Soleil.


Oh, my God, La Nouba. I cried throughout the entire thing. It was so magical.

I don't care that he we couldn't really afford it. I'm all choked up just thinking about it.

I want to go see it again.

If I ever disappear off the face of the earth, know that I ran away and joined the circus.

Oh, and I saw some guy playing guitar outside the House of Blues. I bought his CD. Whatever did I do with that?

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

My computer just spontaneously began playing Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here.

Whoa. That was weird!

Heh. In my search for a word that describes that "new dictionary smell*" of my last, significantly-shorter entry, I evidently pulled up a cached page that evidently had it as a background sound-- in wav form... meaning it took about a zillion years to actually load and play.

I didn't realize it until I actually viewed the html source of the page.

What a wonderfully freaky surprise :)

* pokee has informed me that the Completely Made Up Word for The Moment** is dictionair. Meanwhile, hitchhiker suggests it might be lexicodouriferous, alcestis offers zymurgy, rhiannonstone brought up pedalolfactory and ferretsofglory gave me major giggles with scentapedic.
** I hope I got that right.
  • Current Music
    He's in my ear again, being wonderful :)