September 25th, 2003

rubbah and horns

The pissed off freak will expire by the end of this entry.

Hi there :)

Geeky stuff:

This is what I see when I close my eyes:

Internal Server Error

The server encountered an internal error or misconfiguration and was unable to complete your request.

Please contact the server administrator, and inform them of the time the error occurred, and anything you might have done that may have caused the error.

More information about this error may be available in the server error log.

Apache/1.3.26 Server at Port 80

Softhome is pissing me off. I get Internal Server Errors every day now. I wish they'd respond to my emails. Anybody know a reliable lowcost email service?

I can access the website itself... but for shiggles, I did a tracert and found it died on a yipes address. I contacted yipes so that they could determine if that addy's DNS perhaps had an ARP problem or a failing NIC, but I don't think they understood what I was saying.

Hell. I don't think I understand what I'm saying at this point. I'm acronymned to death. Arpityarparparpkaflussssh. It's all geek to me.

So yeah, I have no email. It's pissing me off.

Florida stuff:

I'm scared to death of suddenly being a parent to a teenager, even though I suspect I'd be good at it. Scared to death of being a wife, too, but I'm sure I'd be good at that. I'm such a freak. It's pissing me off.

I kicked the boys' butts at Risk my very first time playing, ever. Seriously steamrolled 'em. However, anytime I asserted my position of Queen of the World, they felt compelled to add "of the Practice Round." Damn them! They they kicked my ass at Yahtzee. Over. And over. And over again.

I went to a Huffman party. It was very pleasant. I suspect there was something Terribly Wrong with the proximity of those two statements. You see, Huffman and Priest are two rather nice people who seemingly have crazy parties during college football season. However, most people were at the actual game when we showed up. Gators go CHOMP CHOMP. But they lost to Tennessee. The streets filled with zombies, dark clouds descended over the city and we ran for our lives.

Gainesville is a hoppin' little city. Has a great vibe (when Gators aren't getting 0wned), good restaurants, and lots of culture. I likes it.

Florida itself, however, still sucks and we hates it. Except for all the nifty people I know down there and Payne's Prairie. I suspect there's a LOT of nature in Gainesville to be explored. So maybe we don't hates it quite as much as we did before.

U FLA is pretty neat. Of course, it just so happens to be celebrating its sesquicentennial. Isn't that a funny word? Sesquicentennial. Teehee. It is also building the largest Lepidopterrarium (OK, that's not a real word, but it works for me) in North America-- second only in size to the one in London. Me? Like butterflies? Whatever gave you that idea?

They also have a bathouse (not bathhouse, bathouse) that houses some 40,000 bats. And they have a ton of alligators, who manage to keep the escalating jogger population in check. Hooray for nature at work!

I had sushi with Important People. It was good. They talked about alligators. Most people don't know this, but people in Gainesville have some two thousand words for alligator. It's true! Most start with "AARRRRGHGH" or "AAAAIIIIIEEEEEEE" or "FUCK!"

We didn't go kite flying. I left my stunt kites there. Evidently, St. Augustine (which is less than two hours away) is VERY stunt-kite friendly. I'm very excited about this. I had no idea that stunt-kites even had a patron saint.

Oh, and P and I have decided to live together. We haven't gotten any closer to figuring out how or where or when, but we will live together in some unspecified place at some unspecified point in future. Glad that's settled!

Ouch. I just bit my tongue. Whatever was it doing in my cheek?

Anywho, Z seems pretty cool about it all. When asked how I did during my visit, Z informed P that I had two strikes against me: 1. I didn't slip him any cashola and 2. I admitted to not knowing two things (I'm supposed to know everything). However, he also said "you are sooooo waaaaay cooool!" during my visit and "I think we'll keep her" after I left, so my heart's all melty and stuff.

We went to a Very Cool bookstore found the naked lady in "Where's Waldo." We then spent twenty minutes finding Waldo. It was important.

I also saw Z play with his band. They're really very good! I rocked out hard and somehow resisted the urge to pick them all up and hug them. Rock on, adorable children dudes. What a bizarre age, 13. ~I'm a boy and I'm a man, cause I'm thirteeeeeen, and I don't know what I want...~ They don't actually sing that, btw. It would be funny if they did, though.

In addition to rockin' out to 'Tallica, we also enjoyed bowling together and drinking sodas like a big freaky hardrock family with lots of boys.


I've really wanted a damned cigarette for days now. It's pissing me off. Of course I won't have one. It bugs me that it still bugs me. I smelled one today, and it disgusted me. So that means I've really wanted a damned mythical metacigarette for days now. I'm such a freak.

I've seen things, I've seen them with my eyes; I've seen things, they're often in disguise. It's pissing me off.

I'm over 20 pounds overweight now. You wouldn't be able to tell it from looking at me... but I can tell... and it's pissing me off.

My BP and pulse are deliriously low. They tell me this is a good thing. It, of course, is pissing me off.

My cat is fat, and I think he's getting arthritis. Freak. It's pissing me off.

It just occurred to me that I write like a man. What's up with that? I'm such a freak.


That whole pissed off freak thing just snowballed out of control. Sorry 'bout that!

We now return you to ldy's normal mode of writing.


Bare is a good album. I'm digging it.


I read an excerpt from a banned book last night at the public library as a promotion for "Banned Book Week" with the ACLU. I had planned on reading something from Leaves of Grass, and then switched to Aurora Leigh... and then at the last minute decided on a Judy Blume book. Heh. I am such a freak.

I'd gone to the Juvenile Fiction area to find Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret, but it had been mis-shelved and was nowhere to be found. I looked around for Blubber, that was unavailable as well. I said my little "find things" mantra and walked down the wall. When I looked up, there was Blubber, right next to a display that said "Read One of These Banned Books Today!"

So I did. How could I resist such a directive?

I am so easily manipulated by the Universe. I am its tool.

We're definitely doing Haunted Albany this fall. I think it's even been completely written. Can I learn to read music by then? Can I master my brogue? We'l find out soon enough, I suppose.

We also had a great production meeting for Marley. I think we may even be figuring out ways to get a real paying audience. Go us!

Well, that's it for this installment of short-attention-span entry written in the span of a non-lunch. Hope you are all well and happy :)

And if you're neither well nor happy, feel free to bite me. ;)
  • Current Music
    Annie Lennox - Bare - A Thousand Beautiful Things

Fat fat fat tired tired tired cranky cranky cranky FULLSTOP

Collapse )

I'm feeling indecisive, undesirable and childish. And not in that good way.

Collapse )

Sometimes I feel very androgynous. Right now, I feel very male. I just want to analyze it, understand it and fix it. Make it, me, work again.

The woman in me laughs in scorn.

The little girl in me just want to get under the covers and not come out 'til spring. Just curl into a little ball and cry. And really, I've no right. I've got SUCH a good life.

Silly, no?

It'll pass. I know it will. It just sucks right now.

Theoretically I should be either at a wake, buying a birthday present, checking my camping gear for this weekend (so much for painting) :(, or singing at karaoke... but I think I'll download GNU solfege instead, and work on ear training.

Then I will learn my song for Haunted Albany.

And now for something completely different:

Collapse )

On the same page as my result was what may be the bestest text ad ever:

Hey! Visit this sponsor because they deserve it!
Ivy Leage Excellence Online
Get the Education You Want
Without the Atitude

OK, I took a break to throw in some laundry and starting singing "Crazy" by Patsy Cline, because I noticed that I had a karaoke version of it on my playlist. It's a wonderfully sad, mournful tune and just perfect for my state of mind. Patsy Cline is a "comfort food" music of mine.

Then the phone rang.

Two very wonderful boys serenaded me with Beatles songs and bad jokes. The younger one said we'd bonded, and weren't even living together yet-- and Dad had better watch out when we did. Though our bonding would work to his benefit at birthdays and stuff, because we'd be good at picking stuff out together.

I switched the laundry, and we all razzed each other about nothing at all, just enjoying the good-natured giggles. I was in the car driving home with them, and they were helping me hang things up to dry. And singing. Loudly. Somewhere along the way, my melancholy got thrown in the wash. I haven't seen it since.

Somehow, this is seeming managable again.

How the heck does he do that? Read my mind, I mean? Have this perfect timing thing going on? How?

You were upset before. Is everything OK? OK. I just wanted to make sure. Because you mentioned something about being bummed earlier, and I wanted to be attentive. Could you deal with a lifetime of someone being that attentive to your needs? I won't always be perfect. I'll often fail. But never for lack of desire to do the right thing. You can count on that.

That's the thing. I know that I can.

I don't feel as heavy now. Nothing feels as heavy now. The source of my stress is seemingly its own answer.

My sweetie's telling me right now about how exciting the next four years are going to be. All the things we'll do.

I'm going to stop typing, be 100% attentive and tell that man just how amazing he is :)
  • Current Music
    She Moved thro' the Fair