It was well below freezing-- ~12F (-9C)-- and I was stressed beyond belief.
So I put on my snuggly muppetty PJs, stoked up a fire, and quietly trimmed the tree.
I've come to some conclusions. These are conclusions I've known logically, but didn't really grok on an emotional level.
1. My friends won't care if I'm late with presents. My friends will love me anyway.
2. If Christmas cards become New Years cards, or get delivered in June for that matter, they will brighten someone's day regardless. And if they don't go out at all, they will still be useful and enjoyable next year. My friends won't forget that I care.
3. If I forget all my lines (or never get them all down to begin with) and screw up the play, I will survive. If we have to do the show as a staged reading, we will. If we have to make it up as we go along, we will. My life and happiness do not hinge on this one performance.
4. If I don't get all my work done, the company will not go under. I will not lose my job. And even if I were to lose my job, my life and happiness do not hinge on my employment. My life and happiness would still remain even if I were to lose my home, my car, and all my other worldly possessions.
5. Happiness and Peace are Important to me right now. They are key to my health and well-being. I need to stop sabotaging myself, stop sacrificing my Happiness and Peace upon the altar of misguided Obligation. Neither my job, nor my play, nor the celebration of the season is worth it.
6. Being perceived as perfect-- or imperfect-- in the eyes of others does not change me, as a person, one bit.
7. I am loved, and love in return. There are no greater blessings than these.
So I'm rearranging my priorities. The cards will go out, but in a trickle instead of a rush. The play will be learned, but not at the expense of what little sanity I possess. Many gifts will be "late." Work will have to deal with having me for eight hours a day instead of ten. Time will be made to remember Christ, Father Christmas, the Green Man, Mithras, Yuletide, Solstice, the miracle of death and rebirth, and the neverending spiral of time. The rest of this season will still be a little crazy, but I will welcome it with a smile and a sparkle in my eye.
I'm remembering how to breathe again, and the air is sweet and fresh and good.
Peace and love and blessings, one and all. :) *hugs*