*smooch* (ldy) wrote,

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Home is where the heart is, not where you hang your hat

I want to catch up with all of you, but I haven't even gotten through a full page (I know there is more, there must be more!)

The airshow yesterday was a blast. We missed most of it, but got there just in time for the Blue Angels. Then I came home and soaked my feet (platform boots + 20-minute walk on grass and gravel to and from the show + walking around at the show = ouch).

Then we saw Episode II again. Caught the Millennium Falcon and Anthony Daniels. Yay :) Everybody in the theatre laughed at the cheesy dialogue. George Lucas, get that Big Chill guy back to help you write. Please. You are amazing at detail and design. You could use a wee tiny itsy bitsy bit of help in the storytelling and dialogue departments. ;)

I walked out of theatre deep in thought. I'm not sure I want to buy that house after all.

What does the word "home" mean to me? And how does this relate to owning a piece of property? Anything I seek without can be found within. Happiness, home, God, it's all there.

Buying a house is a big investment, and a great commitment. Is this really what I want? What do I really want?

I'm not certain I want to live here a Very Long Time. Past performance is not indicative of future results.

Oddly enough, it was the cgi in the movie that precipitated this oh-so-very-long train of thought. It was the cgi mistakes that glared at me (pre-bitten pears and movements not in line with gravity when jumping and swinging pop immediately into mind). And it was the complex things they pulled off seamlessly that most impressed me. When Dex hugged Obi-wan in the diner, Obi-wan's cloak wrinkled and moved perfectly in response to the animated character's movements. I would guess that 99.9% of the people who watch that movie wouldn't pick up on that tiny detail. But it made the interaction between live-action and computer seem real and seamless, and impressed me to no end. Now that I think about it more, it was probably achieved by a live person, and the cgi was probably added over that. Regardless, it was well done.

I love cgi. I don't know if it's something I could do, but I do know that I appreciate it more than the average bear. I desperately want to be in San Antonio the week of July 21 through 26. Alas, I have chosen and commited to Shakespeare and will not be able to attend. But I want it. Oh, yes, I do.

What else do I want? What else do I enjoy?

Well, there's acting, of course. And computers in general. If I should pursue one or all of these full-time at some point in the future, it will likely take me away from my current environs.

And what about my current job? What if something should happen to my boss that he might be unable to continue this pursuit? What if something should happen to me? What if I should choose to pursue these other paths? What if I find someone who moves my heart and soul in such ways that I could not bear to be away from him?

And then there are my other pursuits. I like to go places and do things-- experience as much of this life as I possibly can. Caring for a home would, of course, take time and expense away from these activities. It would be an experience all its own, and I need to decide if its the experience I want to pursue at this time.

And I'm not as financially well-off as I'd like to be. I'm not a big fan of debt, and only recently got a credit card. To be indentured to a bank for a mortgage... well, when I do it, I'd like to be able to pay off as much of the principal as I can right away.

So many questions, so many "ands." I'm thinking; I'm thinking. I don't want Fear to prevent me from making Progress in my life, but I don't think all that I've outlined here is Fear-based. Perhaps I need to define "Progress" better. Yes, I think that is the path I'm exploring now.

I listen to my heart, and my heart is unleashing volume after volume of information. My mind is keeping up as best it can.

I'm going to shower and head to an Irish Fest now.

My subconscious has much to wade through.

Hope you are all well and pursuing that which makes you happiest.

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