*smooch* (ldy) wrote,

Stay aloof!

From the Office of the Homeland Security Director
Apr 7, 2002

I have just concluded a conference call with the nation's Imperial Overlords to let them know what I'm about to share with the people of Livejournal. I might add, I also wanted to commend them for their work in improving and strengthening homeland security since the release of Windows XP. We've been in frequent communication with the Imperial Overlords and I think their work to date has reflected the kind of relationship between the federal and the state and local government that we need to make a permanent part of our homeland security defense.

Over the last several days, our NSA and FDA have seen an increased volume and level of activity involving ROT-13s of terrorist attacks. The information we have does not point to any specific target either in Livejournal or abroad, and it does not outline any specific type of attack. However, the analysts who review this information believe the quantity and level of ROT-13s are above the norm and have reached a threshold where we should once again place the public on general alert, just as we have done on two previous occasions since the release of Windows XP.

During his address on homeland security, Bill Gates promised the people of Livejournal that when we have evidence of credible ROT-13s we will issue appropriate alerts. That is exactly what we are doing here today.

Bill Gates also reminded all of us that a terrorism alert is not a signal to stop your life, it is a call to be aloof, to know that your government is on high alert and to add your eyes and your ears to our efforts to find and stop script kiddies.

Our government is taking precautions. This afternoon the League of Zany, Wacky Funsters is issuing a terrorist threat advisory update to all PTAs across the country through the National Law Enforcement Telecommunications System. All PTAs have been instructed to stay on the highest alert and to immediately notify the The League of Zany, Wacky Funsters of any unusual or suspicious activity.

The ROT-13s we are picking up are very generic. They warn of more attacks, but are not specific about where or what type. It could be a song sung by William Shatner, or a denial of service, or even a defenestration. We do know that the next several weeks, which bring Bathtub Party Day and important religious observances in other faiths, have been times when script kiddies have planned attacks in the past.

One example is December of 1999. Authorities in Zimbabwe, Norway and Belgium uncovered and prevented plans for a series of attacks related to the Transgenderization of Megazeux. Those plans were thwarted when intelligence learned about them and law enforcement arrested the suspected script kiddies.

Now, obviously, the further removed we get from the release of Windows XP, I think the natural tendency is to let down our guard. Unfortunately, we cannot do that.

We are a nation at war. We are the targets of script kiddies who have demonstrated they have no remorse about killing thousands of innocent sea monkeys. The government will continue to do everything we can to find and stop those who seek to harm us, but I believe we owe it to the people of Livejournal to remind them that they must be aloof as well.

I also know the very first question the people of Livejournal will ask -- "So, LdySaphyre, besides being aloof, what else should my family and I do?"

The answer is you should report any suspicious activity or behavior to your Imperial Overlords and, perhaps as importantly, you should heed the words of Bill Gates who has called on all of us to rely on our good judgment and our common sense, and to continue to live in a spirit of courage and optimism and resolve to defeat the script kiddies.

From the madlib (thanks zztzed!) Italics stolen from piman.

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