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Are you there, G-d? It's me, Ldy. - Ldy, the lemony, ligerish ducttaparian's Magic Treehouse of Lost Thoughts
A classy broad's life... with footnotes.
ldy
ldy
Are you there, G-d? It's me, Ldy.
Dear Universe,

Has this all been some grand cosmic joke?

For quite some time you've assured me that Everything Will Turn Out Alright, and for a couple months, it seemed as though everything was happening according to some weird and wonderful Master Plan. But the last month, month and a half has been wrong, just wrong, all over. I appear to have taken a left turn at Albuquerque at some point, and nothing I've said or done has seemed to have gotten me even close to that original path. In fact, I seem to have lost sight of it completely.

"Have Faith, Little Mouse," you whispered; "Have Faith, Little Bird." But now even those quiet whisperings have stopped, replaced by the not-so-distant rumble of dark disquiet.

And I believe I have lost my faith.

I can't even figure out what tremendous lessons I should be taking away from any of this. Maybe there aren't any. Perhaps I've seen patterns where none existed and there is no Plan, no Lesson, no Larger Picture; merely a nihilistic existence sans point or meaning. Maybe the lesson is that there is no Lesson.

I suppose something big could change in the near future, be it a change of circumstance or a shift of perception, and I'll laugh at the wonderful joke you've played. But the faithless are rarely optimistic. For the most part, they seem to be stark realists. And reality has lost it's shine for me.

I don't even have a clever or thought-provoking close to this note, dear Universe. I am sorry.

Feeling rather lost,
~me
11 tall tales or Tell me a story
Comments
tarpo From: tarpo Date: December 10th, 2009 11:30 pm (UTC) (permalink)
No idea what is going on.. but much love and warm thoughts to you *hugs*

surrealist_geek From: surrealist_geek Date: December 11th, 2009 12:17 am (UTC) (permalink)
*hugs gently*

I'm here to tell you, there's life after loss of faith. In fact, I think it's far better than the life I had with faith. Oh, and I'm an incurable optimist with or without an imaginary friend.

I have no idea about the ways in which life is currently being unkind to you, so I can't say a whole lot about them. What I will say, however, is that I've known many people (myself included) to recover from spectacular blows and hardships. The single most important factor is personal character, followed by support from others. I've no idea about the latter in your case, but I'm confident of the former.
corto From: corto Date: December 11th, 2009 12:25 am (UTC) (permalink)
Faith is an investment.
And one that is best not made blindly.
So you decide... where best to invest.
Sometimes the best place is so close... you overlook it.
But you see it, every time you wipe the steam off the bathroom mirror.

Lives are short, so we should make the most of them.
Life is long... there's room for lots of remodeling. :D

ps. you will be found.
pps. I hold you in the highest regard. Many years of just being impressive and lovely... make this so.
ppps. just say'en... :D
petermarcus From: petermarcus Date: December 11th, 2009 12:26 am (UTC) (permalink)
Awww, I'm feeling for you. Sometimes, things need the perspective of months or years, which doesn't seem to help during the short term. Sometimes, we're just lost and need to punt and start over.

I sincerely hope you're okay.
paradisacorbasi From: paradisacorbasi Date: December 11th, 2009 12:45 am (UTC) (permalink)
I have no idea why you feel lost, but I'm sorry you do and I hope the light out of the forest shines brightly for you soon.

(Deleted comment)
elysiangirl From: elysiangirl Date: December 11th, 2009 02:55 am (UTC) (permalink)
I really, wholly and completely get where you're coming from. Much, much love dear Ldy.
ladykatiewench From: ladykatiewench Date: December 11th, 2009 03:41 am (UTC) (permalink)
I am not religious. I am not "faithful" in the conventional sense. I am nowhere near Christian. Yet I am jealous of it sometimes. I believe that there is something beyond us, this. But the thing that I hold the most faith in is that I will never know. Not in this form.

And that just makes me terribly sad sometimes. I wish I could give up all the fear and uncertainty. I wish I could have that unconditional hope. But I can't. And I envy those who can.

I am sorry that you feel like you have lost your faith. I truly hope that you find it.
abilee30 From: abilee30 Date: December 11th, 2009 04:08 am (UTC) (permalink)
Dear dear friend....

Don't worry about lost faith. Like lost keys, with a little time, patience and retracing your steps, it can be found again. Maybe not where you thought you left it, or where you think it should be, but it can be found.

I have lost faith, friends, love, perspective and(to me anyway) a whole world in the last 5 years, and for the longest time I believed I would never find them again. Not to say it isn't a struggle, sad and lonesome sometimes, because that's just the way it is. But, every now and again, there are brief, shining beautiful moments that I sit back and say, "damn, this is good!".

Give it time, give yourself some grace, and know that you are loved. I hope this helps...
Abi <3
billijean From: billijean Date: December 11th, 2009 05:13 am (UTC) (permalink)
Ah... but 'lost' is actually a location along the journey. On every journey. You will come out the other side when the time is right and wonder what you found so difficult.

I promise.

*smooch*
kelvix From: kelvix Date: December 11th, 2009 12:22 pm (UTC) (permalink)
Sometimes faith can be found in the strangest times - when we are at our weakest, then is the time that a revelation may occur - as if we have to be stripped of our layers of comfort and delusion and self-satisfaction in order to accept a new truth.

In my darkest times I have fought against the feeling of being overwhelmed by awfulness by trying to claw back parts of myself that I was proud of, and where I could be happy - one step at a time. That's not about faith - that's about making lists of what works and what doesn't.

You have people that believe in you, and who are willing you forward. You are not alone.
11 tall tales or Tell me a story